Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
