He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
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