I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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