No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
