hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
