Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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