Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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