I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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