No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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