Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
