you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
