Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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