Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
