I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
