seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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