That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
