True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
