Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize