some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize