Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
