I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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