Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
