I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
