how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
