Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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