false alarm. still invincible.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
