I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Slut skills are useful in every country.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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