He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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