Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
