Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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