i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
