I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
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