Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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