Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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