I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the condom got lost in my hair
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
