Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
