the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize