Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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