Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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