Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
