Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
