sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
