i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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