We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
