We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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