jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
