No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
