He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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