I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
