sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
