Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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