I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
