Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
