Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
