It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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