In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
