I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
