I just made out with a guy for $7.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
