My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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