I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize