I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
