I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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